Don’t worry. I saw ANNABELLE: CREATION so you don’t have to. A few thoughts:
- ANNABELLE: CREATION’s legacy will be that of a prequel to a prequel and one that’s miles better than the first prequel. (?!?)
- Why did the theater closest to me only offer this film in dolby? Why do I have to pay for upgrades all the time at the movies? WTF!
- The acting is pretty decent, especially from the younger cast, but I miss Patrick Wilson’s tight polyester pants.
- Annabelle is such an asshole.
- The “scary” scenes actually work. They’re very well done. Too bad the movie is so slow-moving that it feels like a 3 hour break in between those scenes.
- Shouldn’t Annabelle move… or something? She really just sits there.
- Did I just spot an easter egg for the upcoming NUN film? I see what you did there.
- Annabelle really is an asshole.
- Why don’t these girls scream when they’re being terrorized? Strange.
- Oh great! Are we going to get a scarecrow spinoff next? I forget that The CONJURING Universe is an actual thing now.
- Finally! One of the girls is screaming after a ghost pushes her wheelchair. Surely, one of the other girls, standing about 10 feet away from her will help. No? But she’s screaming. Oh that’s right- they’re too busy playing hopscotch or whatever the fuck.
- Wait- so is Annabelle evil? Or is it the young girl? Or the scarecrow? I’m confused.
- Nice tie-in to the first film at the end. This is the end right?
- Wait- this movie was actually less than 2 hours? Doesn’t feel like it.
- We. Really. Don’t. Need. Anymore. Annabelle. Films. I get it.
- Annabelle is still a fucking asshole.
**1/2 out of 4